In May 2014, Dwelling turned two! Responding to popular demand, Dwelling decided to celebrate by creating our very first full-day, hands-on relationship workshop, The Authentic Connection, to give you the opportunity to make a lasting difference to relationships that matter. In this session, Dwelling was honored to partner two brilliant trainers, Lin Tan and Tan Teng Nging, both experts in the field of relational coaching, and who have between them nearly two decades of professional coaching experience.
The spunky and passionate Lin started the day with a power-packed delivery of what it means to start being fully empowered in one’s relationships. Through an impactful demonstration, Lin showed how one’s experiences in relationships are often subjected to what she called the “relationship coin.” You meet a person, and flip a coin that determines – by an unconscious process – whether you like that person or not, and whether the relationship is going to work or not. But how would life be, Lin challenged, if you could affect your relationships so that you ended up winning in relationships all the time? Would you be interested in that? Our participants certainly were!
Over the course of the morning and early afternoon, our workshop participants were sent out and about on practical challenges to explore their challenges about others, and practice the one important key to becoming charismatic: redefining their relationships to others. How does this work? Well, it’s really simple. For example, let’s just imagine you walk out into the streets and you meet a stranger. And the first impression that comes to mind when you see him is, “He looks too grumpy.” How would that make you feel about approaching him? Probably not too great. However, by simply finding a way to redefine your relationship to him (you might perhaps find something along the lines of “I just want to make him smile,” “I am curious, how is he really like as a person?”), you will probably feel a lot more willing to want to get to know him better. Redefining immediately gives you the power to stop being a victim, and start re-experiencing your relationship to others. All that shifts is your mental framework.
The participants came back with admirable breakthroughs: one man discovered that he was able to relax into relating to others, and felt more confident and comfortable in his own skin. Many of the other participants also agreed that they were able to tap into parts of themselves that were able to open up to others, and this naturally helped them feel more attractive than before. At this point, Lin and Julia offered everyone the opportunity to continue honing their relational skills by reconnecting with a friend or family member they care about, while still noticing what they were limited by and how they were a victim of it. With support, participants tried out redefining the relationship and connecting differently, which continued over lunch.
After a lunch well-spent on connecting with others, challenging themselves, and experiencing breakthroughs, the class gathered back for the next segment led by Teng Nging, a powerful trainer driven by her passion for tapping into the intuitive aspects of one’s self. This afternoon section started with the point that connection, confidence and charisma naturally arise when a person is first free to be themselves. Teng Nging chose movement as the main mode of access, as the body is the very means through which one interacts and relates to people, yet it remains one of the most unaware aspects of a person. By tapping into greater bodily awareness and how we move, charisma can surface, as it did. For example, a participant shared how she was leaping across the room, and how that was about her having space to move for herself, which led to a greater willingness to enter into new experiences, leading to greater attractiveness.
Subsequently, Teng Nging used a process of movement and dance to allow participants to realize how a relationship is a constant ‘dance’ with another person. The pair-work activity asked, what are the salient points for partnership and connection to happen? Teng Nging spoke about reciprocation: two people pushing with neither giving way can only cause a relational block. However, simply allowing another person to step in, or being willing to listen to them, could allow us to learn about how the other person is trying to communicate. This is exemplified beautifully through dancing with a partner. By allowing themselves to experience the activity fully, the participants gained insights in how they get in their own way of connecting with people. Their experience of interacting with people became more free, deeper, richer, and even more enjoyable right away.
Before officially concluding the day, Julia and the trainers introduced a simple but powerful system that supported the participants in designing their own ‘relationship plan,’ which they could take back and apply in their own lives and relationships. By the end of the workshop, participants expressed feeling happier, lighter, and more connected to themselves. Through understanding themselves better, and with an understanding of the tools they were equipped with in the workshop, they expressed feeling more confident in forming the most important thing in relationships: forming authentic connections with others.
About the trainers: Tan Teng Nging and Lin Tan
Tan Teng Nging | Professional Certified Coach, ICF | Reiss Profile Master | Process Work Associate
From a shy, socially awkward scientist who worked alone, Teng Nging blossomed when the most unexpected happened—when she began to have really deep conversations with people. Now she has a hard time convincing people that she's an introvert. Known for her uncanny ability to bring out their deepest, most authentic selves, Teng Nging has intimately worked with over 900 people from all walks of life. She is a Professional Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF, USA) and serves as trainer, content developer, mentor and examiner for the first ever Accredited Coach Training Program awarded in Singapore by the ICF. Her clients include senior management and leadership position holders in corporate, government, NGOs, scientific and education sectors, religious/spiritual organizations; entrepreneurs; creatives, musicians and artists.
She is currently pursuing her postgraduate degree in Process Oriented Psychology, also known as Process Work. The first in Singapore to specialize in this domain, its deeply experiential and creative approach is an ally to her personal mission of supporting and making a difference to the diversity of the human experience and empowering the authentic self.
What others are saying about Teng Nging:
“Hiring Teng Nging as my personal coach for several rounds, her insights and understanding of how humans work never failed to give me clarity on the issues I am working on. In a recent session, her directness and honesty allowed me to see the truth in how I am handling my relationship with my partner and myself. This realization empowered me and sets me free to do what is truly important for myself. Teng Nging is a coach who stands for her client’s growth and I’ll definitely recommend her to anyone that wants to work on themselves!”
Jada Seet, Singapore
“When I was first coached by Teng Nging 8 years ago, something hit me deep inside that is still part of me today - the ability to start loving myself and put it into my reality. I'm present to how this has come to fruit over the years and made me who I am now. She has the ability to empathize, understand and kick ass all at the same time and bring out truth and honesty in me.”
Sabrina Gunawan, Designer, Singapore
“A weaver of intricate threads and illuminator of hidden treasures. I appreciate Teng Nging’s welcoming attitude and fluidity to be with whatever that arises in a session. She is concise and quick, picks up the pieces of a person’s process with precision and in doing so, brings light to other aspects of an individual’s perception and experience.”
E. Henderson, Seattle, USA
Lin Tan | Professional Certified Coach, ICF | Reiss Profile Master | Consultant & Entrepreneur
A passionate life coach serious about helping people create extraordinary lives, Lin is backed up by a stellar record: By 25, Lin was the youngest in the world to obtain the Professional Coach Certification, recognized by the International Coach Federation (ICF, USA). By 26, Lin was running the largest coaching organization in S.E.A. and together with her team, impacting thousands of lives around the globe. She has over 2,700 hours of direct coaching, and her ability to relate emphatically and communicate objectively has gained the respect of her clients, half of whom are almost twice her age.
Lin has trained hundreds to be charismatic, attractive, confident individuals and leaders. She has been seen on local media such as Channel News Asia, Channel 8, 938Live and Simply Her. She was also recently interviewed by Street Smart University—a platform that hosts international speakers.
What others are saying about Lin:
“Lin defines authenticity and love. As a coach, she delivers the brutal truth in your face laced with her unique quirkiness. Through her, I found courage to pursue a new career and tripled my income within 6 months.”
Sherman Koh, Financial Consultant
“Lin is quick, smart, and dedicated. And if you allow her, she can help give you that jolt that might exactly be what you need to keep moving on with your life.”
Soon Loo, Venture Capitalist & Speaker
“Lin is someone whom I trust and admire for her genuine persona. She always impresses me with her dedication in bringing out the best in her clients!”
Steve Ong, Regional Portfolio Manager
“Lin is a really experienced coach. She has this talent to connect with people easily. The fresh perspectives I got in my session with Lin helped to resolve a constant struggle I faced with my career...”
Joe Zhang Yi, Business Analyst, Royal Bank of Scotland
“Lin is instinctive, authentic and passionate with insightful opinions and perspectives. She lets you see the best parts of you which you don’t know or might have forgotten about... it is rare to know someone who, after everything meeting, makes you feel inspired to do something for yourself!”
Stacey Lim, Creative
About the host: Julia Ng
Julia is the founder of Dwelling. She leads the Philosophy Sessions, hosts the Speaker Nights, and facilitates the Fireside discussions.
She is a Life and Business Coach who works with entrepreneurs and corporate executives to create businesses that are a source of growth, profitability, and fulfillment. She takes an integrated approach, combining her gifts and talents in coaching and design to help people develop their professional and personal brand holistically, from the inside out. She is a senior coach and program leader with Executive Coach International where she leads its transformative flagship coaching program, and is a trainer, content developer, mentor, and examiner for the Accredited Coach Training Program (ACTP, ICF).
Julia is a Professional Certified Coach with over 2,500 coaching hours under her belt. Her clients experience sustainable transformation and a distinct advantage in their performance and results, including developing emotional mastery leading to rewarding relationships, creating fulfilling career paths and businesses leading to monetary rewards and promotions, and greater work-life efficiency and improved health and vitality.